What the summer has in store for me

This summer is a time of huge changes for me some exciting, some bitter sweet, some come with relief and some come with worry.  I started off the summer with a trip to Vegas with Dave, as we walked until our feet were raw and drank until our wallets bare (which doesn't take long in Vegas)  I couldn't help but wonder about the finals I had completed just hours before our plane departed.  Finally I got the phone call from one of the girls in my class.  And As the volcano at the Mirage erupted so did my excitement, I passed both all three of my classes!  I ended up with a 94 in nursing clinical, a B in nursing theory, and a C in physiology (which was by far the hardest class I have ever taken.)  Dave to say the least was  bursting with excitement too.  He no longer  would have to endure to boring physiology lectures I gave him in order for me to understand the topic at hand.    I now only have to worry about working this summer and growing my garden instead of repeating a physiology class.  The next big event will be traveling to Mississippi for the celebration of Owen's 3rd birthday and the birth of my first niece!  I can't wait.  About a week after I return home I will be meeting Dave's parents and youngest brother!  Another even I am extremely excited about but definitely nervous.  I can't imagine I won't enjoy the experience, I just hope they do.  While they are here I am closing a huge chapter of my life, I am getting out of the guard.  I made this decision a few months ago, after toiling with it for quite a while.  It is time for me to travel a different path.  I have no regrets with my career in the guard, and I will forever cherish what I am taking with me.  I have stories, and experiences that most could never imagine being part of, lessons that will forever be a part of who I am,  and a respect for those who serve and our country that will never falter.  I have fulfilled the calling to serve my country and now I have a calling to serve the sick and injured here at home, and to serve my family, and the family that one day God willing I will be blessed with.        

Alright, listen up because I can't;)

Just got back from the audiology exam.  And it wasn't real good news, however I have another appointment with the ENT Dr in about an hour to go over the results a little better and see what the next step is.  The exam showed that I have severe hearing loss in my left ear, and my right ear is a little worse than last week, however still within normal ranges.  I was able to hear at extremely loud decibels of sound, and even then it sounded like a very high pitch computer voice, even though it was a normal woman's voice at normal sound levels in my right ear.  My left ear also showed that there was reflex decay which means that the problem lies in my middle ear, around the auditory nerve area.   So far infection is ruled out, however a virus or mass is still in question.  Good news though is that I can now kinda hear my finger rustling around in my left ear when a few days ago I couldn't even hear that.  It is still extremely faint, however that sound has come back a little bit.  The audiologist told me that sometimes hearing comes back, but sometimes it doesn't, and the best thing that could have happened quickly was that I was put on prednisone, which happened on Friday only five days after I first showed any signs of hearing loss.  I will keep you all updated with what the next steps are and what the Dr says this afternoon.  But I am happy that there was some hearing left in the left ear even if it was at extreme decibels, so maybe even if I don't get all of my hearing back, it might be able to be correctible with hearing aids or such, there I go again jumping to conclusions, or maybe just preparing.  Is this called denial?

It is going to be short for fear of frying my computer with tears

So many of you know that this week has been anything but a spring break for me.  It started last sunday when I woke up with the feeling of not being able to clear my ears.  For a flyer this is something that you key into right away because it is a necessity for flight.  It worried me a bit, but I figured it was something that would go away in a couple days, and didn't worry too much.  On Tuesday I was on base and figured I would make an appointment with the flight doc to get it checked out.  They took me in right away, looked in my ears and said that they looked healthy except for the fact that when I tried to clear my ears, they barely moved. They ran a hearing test and determined that my left ear had severe hearing loss +55 decibles and my right ear was still normal at 0 and 5 decibles (normal conversation measures in at 30 decibles).  They gave me some nasal sprays to start on to see if that cleared anything up.  No luck and by friday my left ear was completely deaf, I had severe ringing in my ear, lightheadedness, and felt like my right ear was getting clogged/ muffled too.  After talking to Dave we decided I had better go to the ER and try to get something figured out.  After the quickest ER visit in history, less than 45 min from checking in to checking out, I was on my way to see Dr Martin, an ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) Doc.  After doing a few simple tests in the office, he diagnosed it as sudden hearing loss, and more tests were going to be needed as to find out why.  This week I will be having an intense hearing test, that will test the reflexes of my ears and how long they respond to stimulous, and probably an MRI, along with another appointment with Dr. Martin.  He has be taking prednisone, and Valtrex.  And is leaning toward either a virus, or possibly a mass.  In the meantime I am figuring out how to use the closed caption on the TV, and teaching Buster to come and get me when Dave gets home or he needs to go outside.  The lightheadedness has subsided, but the ringing is still pretty overwhelming since that is the only thing that I hear in that ear.   I will keep you all updated with the newest, but it is to say the least extremely scary not knowing what the rest of your life has in store for you.  So enjoy the sounds while you can because you don't know if it is the last time that you will hear someone say I love you, or hear your loved ones voices, let alone the birds sing, or a child laugh or cry.  It is really sad that it takes something like this to happen for you to really appreciate what you have been blessed with.     

And we're off!!!

The move is in full swing, and I haven't freaked out yet! A couple small loads here and there, and a pretty decent sized one yesterday have left my condo truly looking like it is being abandoned. The bathroom, and kitchen are completely empty, and the bedroom, living room, and dining room pretty much only have the furniture left, the garage however is a different story. What a strange but exciting feeling it is to see my things intermingled with Dave's in the house. I am so glad that we have the same taste for decorating because it is amazing how our things are fitting together. He even pointed out where my antlers are going to hang downstairs in the cabin theme guest room. The carpet for the master bedroom was ordered yesterday and we decided to try to hold off on the furniture until that gets installed but today he is finishing hanging the bi fold doors on the closets that he painted yesterday. We have agreed on themes and colors for the rooms, and the house is finally starting to look like a home instead of a bachelor pad, not that the bachelor pad didn't have the necessities, it was just missing the comfort quality. I have given Dave so many opportunities to back out of this but he insists that he's not giving me up, phew what a relief.

They are Sadists I tell you!!!

So according to Mom and Dad, I have not written on here in a while and their suspicions are correct, I am incredibly busy. However, the good part is that I AM keeping up, barely. WOW, what a task that is. You know when you watch those movies that take place in some run down office that has the desk of the new guy completely stacked with files, and as soon as they get through those stacks and the wave of relief falls on his face, they throw down another stack. well, that is what nursing school feels like. Just when I see the light, AKA a break from my office and in front of the computer, A new assignment comes in, such as last night. I finally took a break from the office to spend some time with Dave before he started back into his rotation of midnight to noon, I get a nice text message letting me know that the syllabus was wrong and that the reading assignment, that I just completed was the wrong one, "but here are the correct 25 pages to read for class tomorrow, have a great night!" They are Sadists I tell you!!!
Today was my first day in the lab doing skills checkoff. Vital Signs. Yes, that made me want to jump out of bed and hurry to school, just to learn something that I have been doing for the last 5 years!!! Okay so this will be easy I thought to myself as I pulled my $20 required scrub top over my head, attached my $5 name tag, and threw my book bag with the $100 fundamentals book, and $120 password for my required nursing math website in it. And this is just for the 3 hour clinical class. I walked into the lab, got our instructions and proceded. Three sets of vital signs on three different people, signed off by three different instructors, not to bad, but wait...where is the third instructor...sick...we can't turn in the assignment today...we have to come back on Friday to get a third signature!!!! Wow I guess they don't realize that not only do we have people from out of town, but we also have 8 other chapters to read, a tutorial to sit through, 5 videos to watch, a math test to do, chart on three drugs, and complete 40 workbook pages over chemistry for my physiology class all by Monday before the three tests that I have between Monday and Tuesday. Then after practicing vital signs for a while and asking the the Director of Nursing if I could check off, she looks at me like I had never taken a vital sign in my life and lectures me on the importance of taking accurate vital signs and truly knowing what you are doing, and seriously asks me if I even know the correct way of taking a Tympanic Temperature, are you kidding me! At this point I wanted to take hers rectally with the tympanic thermometer, pump up the sphygomomanometer to about 250 around her neck, while taking her carotid pulse on both sides. Okay maybe not that bad, some of that was added for dramatic effect. So I proceed to taking the vital signs, and after telling her what I got for the BP, she made me retake it 4 times because SHE couldn't hear it!!! Then she tried to stump me on the eight pulses of the body, sorry lady, maybe second semester.

My cat Peed on My Homework.

I am now halfway through the second week of school and I still

have straight A's!!! Partially because there has only been two days of class and partially because my physiology teacher cancelled class today because she was sick. The stresses of school are starting to affect the home life and family members are starting to act out to get attention. Today when I got to school I took out my book, notebook, and my pen, and prepared to start taking notes, when I noticed at there was a huge wet spot on the bottom of my notebook. I thought, "that's weird, that wasn't there last night when I got done studying, then I noticed the color of the stain, a pale yellow, then I got a whiff of the odor, it was the unmistakable odor of cat urine!!! You got it, Kaiyuh is evidently feeling neglected , so had the bright idea of urinating on my notes all 20 pages of them and not to mention ruining the rest of the notebook. So to teach her a lesson I held her while looking at all the animals on the animal shelter website and told her to pick the one she would like to share a cage with if she does that again.

I survived the first day of school and the kids weren't even mean

So here I am, at home after the first day of school, and I am still alive, despite the weeks of nightmares predicting the opposite. However the piles of homework were the compromise for my life. I guess in a way it is the nursing program's way of taking my life, at least for the next two years. I was pleasantly surprised with my physiology class, it really seems interesting and that I am going to enjoy it instead of trudge through it because I have to. My Fundamentals of Nursing class also seems like it is going to be interesting, and the instructors so far seem like they have such a wealth of knowledge and experience. There are 56 students in that class, from all over the country. I felt so priveleged to get in, there are people that moved from Florida and Ohio to get into the program, and have applied two or three times, and I got in my first time with two classes that I still need to take. Speaking of, I better cut this short, I still have homework that I want to get going on.

Ready or not here it comes

Remember when we were little and Mom use to take the first day of school pictures to keep in the photo album as if it were a rite of passage. Well I feel like I should get one tomorrow as I head out the door to head toward the next chapter in my life. Nerves are definately peaking right about now for me. I already lost two pounds in the bathroom today, and I don't know if it is done yet. My backpack has been packed for two days. My lunch is packed for tomorrow, along with Dave's. And the snack foods I bought for school days are all divided into baggies and packed into a drawer for quick packing if I happen to be running late one day. My desk is exactly the way I want it, and the positive quotes that I like the best are tagged in the book right next to my desk. I have a feeling I will be referring to them quite often. The first one is written on my bulletin board, it says

"If you don't make a total commitment to whatever you're doing, then you start looking to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking. It's tough enough getting that boat to shore with everyone rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his life jacket on."- Lou Holz

If that isn't the truth. I haven't been this nervous about something for a long time. I think it is because this is something that I want really bad and knowing that it is something I have been working toward for the last five years. I see that light at the end of the tunnel, but I haven't even stepped into it yet. I pray for strength, patients and courage to finish this, not only for myself, but for those that I love who will be standing beside me and encouraging me during this journey.

I about cried with relief

About a month ago I got the dreaded phone call from the doctor, abnormal cells... further tests.... ASAP....Kolposcopy. I have had regualar paps since I was about 17, never had any problems, never anything abnormal. So fear sunk in immediately, Everything from death to infertility to cancer crossed my mind in about 2 minutes, and continued to cross my mind for a few days afterward. In those few days I couldn't stop thinking about it, being abnormal, feeling abnormal, and living with abnormality. It was all I could think about for a few days, depression and guilt reigned over my mind, until finally I realized that I couldn't let this control me. I have a wonderful family, an amazing boyfriend, a great life, a future that I have worked so hard for and finally have it within my reach. I couldn't afford to allow this to takde me over , not now. So I made the appointment, after a ton of hassel with the insurence companies. It was today and guess what they didn't see anything that they were worried about!!!! They didn't even take biopsies!!! The final results should be in in about a week, but I left there relieved, and extrememly positive that everything is going to be alright. And even if something does come back bad, God has blessed me with so much, that I accept his challenge. Thank you everyone who has been so supportive, I love you all!!!

I am becomming my parents!!!!!!!!!

I am becomming my parents!!!!!!! It is quite a shock being 27 and living with a 17 year old that hasn't had the cleanest slate. Things that I think are common sense come to find out are not so common!!! General respect isn't that general. Dave's daughter however very kind hearted never ceases to amaze me. And the thing that is even more astonishing is knowing that when I pulled similar things when I was 17 my parents reactions are what I am doing now. Comments that I tell her are the same things that came from my parents mouths, and I rolled my eyes at, and yes the reaction is still the same. Tonight I found myself putting clothes that were left in the washer and wet, in the garage to freeze. She had 8 hours of notice to get them out, I am not that evil. A few months ago when she refused to come help with dinner, I refused to let her eat the dinner I had prepared. I knew that my parents ingrained many things in me growing up, but I didn't realize that their parenting techniques were one of them, however I think that I might have improved on a few, I will now serve her dinner on her dirty dishes she refuses to pick up. I have refused to replace the toilet paper roll for her, instead wake her up yelling at 6 am when it is empty that I need more, even if I don't. More to come.

Making our house our home

Well our christmas decorations and ornaments are packed up together, and my office will be packed up at my house this comming week. Yesterday started the beginning of a huge list of renovations and updates to the house. We started on the bedroom, by knocking out part of a wall and connecting two rooms to make the master bedroom bigger, now will comfortably fit my bedroom set, and we can start moving some of my furniture over here. You heard it, I am going to start to move in my furniture to Dave's, now our, house. I finally have gotten the answer that I wanted from Dave, he is leaning toward wanting to have children!!!! What a relief, I can finally start planning my future with him with no reservations, or hesitations. Wow, I can't wait. I am definately over the nervousness of losing a bit of my independent life and sharing it with Dave. I guess the next big test will be if he can put up with me through nursing school.